You get what He paid for

One of my favorite Vacation Bible School songs when I was growing up was this:

The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
And the rains came tumbling down.
Ohhhhh...
The rains came down as the floods came up.
The rains came down as the floods came up.
The rains came down as the floods came up,
And the foolish man's house went SPLAT!

The wise man built his house upon the rock,
The wise man built his house upon the rock,
The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
Ohhhhhhh.....
The rains came down as the floods came up.
The rains came down as the floods came up.
The rains came down as the floods came up,
And the wise man's house stood FIRM.

So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ,
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ,
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ,
And the blessings will come down.
Ohhhh....
The blessings come down as the prayers go up,
The blessings come down as the prayers go up,
The blessings come down as the prayers go up,
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ.

I loved the part when the foolish man's house goes splat and we got to clap our hands together! I had this song stuck in my head the other day, and it dawned on me, "Blessings don't always come down on me when my prayers go up, and I feel like I've built my house on the Lord Jesus Christ!" In fact, there are lots of people I know who seem to live Godly lives who have horrible things happen to them or to people they love.

How do we wrap our heads around the fact that we don't always get what we pray for?
And then I thought about the phrase, "You get what you pay for." And then I thought, "I didn't pay for any of my blessings, Jesus paid the price for me." So, you don't always get what you pray for, but you always get what He paid for.

As I scroll through my newsfeed, I see, "I am so blessed with...." It's almost always a post about family (husbands, kids, grandkids), health, or a post about something material (new car, new house, new boots, black Friday deals). I am blessed by these things too (except grandkids) and have written some of these same things! We should give God the glory when we can see him working in our lives! But as I read some of the posts about new babies, I can't help but think of Henry and how we were not blessed with a "happy, healthy delivery of our baby in October" which is what we prayed for over and over ever since we found out I was pregnant. My blessings didn't come down as my prayers went up. So, am I not blessed because Henry died? Did God not hear our fervent prayers?

God knew the desires of my heart, but we still did not get what we prayed for. However, we do get what God paid for with the sacrifice of his son. God knows what it's like to lose a son. And that son blessed me with eternal life and the opportunity to be with my son again one day in Heaven. There is no greater blessing than being saved from my sins, and that is the blessing I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving.

There are no words

When I was a little girl, I can remember as clear as day, we were riding down one of the main roads in Chattanooga and my older brother said something that truly offended me. Although I can't remember what he said, I DO remember what my dad said in response to my super offended reaction. My dad said, "Sweetie, you need to learn how to take a joke!" This, of course, offended me too. "How dare my own father criticize me after my brother offended me? The nerve!" Then, it hit me! I was getting super offended all the time, and I was just a little girl! I decided right then that I would accept constructive criticism and joking, and I would give other people the benefit of the doubt.  

You can't control what other people say to you, but you can control how you react to what they say.

Our society is full of the easily offended and of people eager to not offend. Hence the articles on how not to offend people. Recently, my news feed has been full of articles about "8 Things You Should Never Say" or "12 Things That if You Say Them Make You a Horrible Person." Most of them are about what not to say to grieving parents, people with cancer, or people with other struggles/illness. These articles are generally well written and well-meaning. As a grieving mom, I can definitely identify with them and see where the authors are coming from. Some comments can be painful to hear.

The problem with people who are easily offended and the people eager not to offend, is that we have created lists of dos and don'ts that people have to memorize in order to interact with others. It's not natural! When our baby died, sure, we had all kinds of inappropriate comments and even a few inappropriate "grief gifts." But, they're comments and presents! Presents that people took the time to pick out, thinking, "I think this might make Cara and her family feel better." And comments that in people's heads, sounded really good to them! My friends and family aren't trying to offend me, they are trying to comfort me and let me know they love me and are sad that our baby died. If there was a perfect phrase or gift to send a grieving person, everyone would say or give that perfect thing.

If you slip and accidentally say something offensive to me, I appreciate what you are really trying to say- that you love me, and you're sorry our baby died. I'm sorry too, and I love you too. I have said more than my fair share of stupid things in my life, and I know I'm not finished doing so. I will try to not offend anyone, but the most offensive thing people can do to someone who needs comfort, is not saying anything because they are too scared.

To everyone who has expressed sympathy and given us gifts, we are incredibly thankful! We have the best friends and family anyone could possibly ask for. Thank you for your bravery in saying something to us. Thank you for the hugs, and thank you for saying, "There are no words." Because there really aren't, but it still means so much that you try.

The Minivan's Half Full

I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks after buying our new (to us) minivan. I teased my husband that now that we bought a van, we had to fill it up! Just a few weeks before we were due to fill up that van, we took a trip in it to the hospital to deliver a baby that had already passed away. Now, I look in my rear view mirror and see a chair without a carseat.

One of my friends from college wrote a blog after one of her twins passed away called the "Bassinet's Half Full." It was beautifully written from a mother who is trying to be excited for the life of her living twin and being a new mom while also mourning the death of her other daughter. You can read it here:
http://www.aspiringkennedy.com/2013/02/the-babies-kennedy-bassinets-half-full.html

Unfortunately, I now find myself in a very similar situation. Our baby boy was stillborn in mid-September, and I have an 18 month old son who still needs me to be his Mama. We had so many hopes and dreams for our baby son and looked forward to being with him on this earth. But now we can only look forward to being with him in Heaven one day.

We have so much to be thankful for. We had 34 weeks with our precious baby boy and I really do praise God for choosing me to carry him. We also have a healthy and active "big boy" who is always busy getting into things. We are blessed so much by his presence in our lives.

So now, 2 months after the death of my son, I am taking a cue from my friend, and choosing to look in the rear view mirror to see that our minivan is not half empty, it is half full.